The tags on clothing are officially passive aggressive. Actually, for the most part, they’re straightforward. Machine wash cold. No problem. Tumble dry low. Simple as can be. The real psychotic part of the tag doesn’t come until you get to ironing.
Warm iron if needed.
If needed? If needed? Why is the tag suddenly giving me options about steps in the laundering process? At first I thought it was just being extra protective of the garment to which it was attached. “Hey there, buddy, what are you doing with that iron? Is that really necessary? Hey, back away. That’s hot! What are you doing?! I’ll tell you anything you wanna know! Stooooop!” Or even more of an Al Gore feel: “There is no sense wasting any more of the earth’s precious natural resources on the appearance of these clothes unless it is absolutely necessary.”
But I came to the resolution, based almost entirely at the way it was looking at me, that the tag was really passive aggressively trying to get the clothes ironed. You know, “You’ve done enough, really. I mean, you washed me, you dried me. You don’t have to iron me. Don’t put yourself out. Unless you think I need it. But no, don’t bother. Not for little old me. I’m just a sweater. I don’t expect you to care whether I’m wrinkled like a used Kleenex or if I’m clean and freshly smooth like a rolling meadow on a summer day. Do what you feel is best. Oh, you’re gonna iron me? Oh, okay, only if you need to.”
I can’t stand that.