Why does Ryan do the extra-long “I’m about to tell you who got booted, but I just want to soak in the anticipation” pause before he tells us what “This” is? We know. It’s American Idol. That’s kinda why we’re watching. And he always points out that it’s live. First of all, it’s never live when I watch. Second, duh. It’s always live. And Scott has poofy Ziggy Stardust hair. Let’s move on to “people have to like the song enough to download it” night.
Anoop tells us he’s singing Usher’s “Caught Up,” returning to the form of weeks gone by when every performance made us question why he was on the show. You remember, the Bad Arse days. Anoop, Anoop, Anoop. You know when Michael asked the infamous musical question, “Who’s bad?” Nobody in the history of the world has ever answered that question by saying, “Anoop.” Holy crap that was terrible. Kara accused him of just living up to a dare from a bunch of frat guys, and the camera cut immediately to a bunch of frat guys denying it . . . perfect. I don’t know how Paula and Randy could say the vocals were good.
I just don’t get it. He had two performances that were good and that the judges liked. And then he decides to perform the style of song that sucked his entire identity so hard he became the human hickey. That and he’s wearing one of Michael’s old “I’m a lieutenant in a big gay army” shoulder chains. Sorry. That took too long. People are really gonna have to suck for Anoop to survive.
Megan Joy borrowed “Turn Your Lights Down Low” from Lauryn Hill and Bob Marley, and she borrowed the style of Wyclef Jean. Here’s what’s going on with Megan, who didn’t even do her little dance: she’s singing to four judges. I don’t think she intends to, but that’s what’s happening. What Megan needs to do, if America realizes she did in fact suck way less than Anoop did, is sing to just one person. Her confidence and her heart are just not showing up. What the judges need to do is put a lid on it. When they’re disappointed, they’re taking forEVer to tell us about it. Megan is in danger, but I don’t see her waving goodbye.
“What Hurts the Most,” by Rascal Flatts earned Danny a glowing review from Simon in one of those rare moments when a performance actually makes Simon approach an apology for the previous week’s criticism. He was good. I wouldn’t rave the way the judges did, especially not Kara’s “I’m so enjoying this Sweet Tart” love fest, but . . . hey. He’s clearly one of the best.
I don’t know how the song will go, but I kind of like the fact Allison hunted down Sanjaya and is wearing him as a headdress. As for her version of “Don’t Speak,” it didn’t leave me wowed out of my mind. She actually did play the guitar in a way that you could actually, oh, what’s the word . . . hear? But the song was not exactly right. Given Allison’s track record of not earning the votes her vocals earn, she might have something to worry about. But . . . I think she’s safeish. And I just have to say, Paula right now reminds me of George W. Bush reading the names of foreign dignitaries off a teleprompter. I love Allison.
Dude . . . I’ve already talked about the hair, but I actually thought that was his weakest performance. I didn’t like the Hasselhoffian look. I thought his voice was shaky. His piano skills are solid, but they just don’t stand out for me on this show. And somehow, the judges once again totally disagree with me. And I’m cool with that. Still, I think Scotty has an outside shot of leaving this week.
In the style of Anoop, Matt returned to his top-36 style of hitting up the college rock scene with the Fray’s, “You Found Me,” which allowed him to totally lose me. It’s the classic, classic AI pitfall, singing a song that you love instead of a song that loves you. And last week, it seemed like America didn’t love on Matt all too much. But at this point, I think America starts to vote their conscience instead of their actual impressions of the song, so I think Matt’s gonna get through. Maybe.
Well, Lil has been touted as vocally awesome, and this is her chance to prove it. She can definitely deliver some powerful notes. But I think you should break out the Power Diva song only when you’re on the upswing. It’s the gesture of a lion standing over it’s wounded prey, not the defense mechanism of a cornered gazelle. And as Power Diva songs go, Celine Dion’s “I Surrender” is a crappy one. Lil’s another one who is picking and performing songs for the judges instead of what actually suits her. Lil could go. But the judges would save her.
He played that funky music a la Wild Cherry, and all I have to say is, I have to, have to, HAVE TO hear a duet featuring Adam and Norman Gentile. He’s really good. And yet really hilarious. And Paula’s coming out of her prom dress.
I’m sorry, but does anybody else feel like the reverb is on absolute overdrive when this dude sings? He was fine. He really could use a butt kicking. And everybody loves him, yay! But let me tell you, any male caught owning one of this guy’s future albums loses his man card immediately.
Bottom three: Anoop, Megan, Matt.