Idol’s back into the happy realm of voting people the heck off the show, as is my take on which people that might be. We get to trudge through 3 weeks of gender-divided performances and wave goodbye to the bottom 2 guys and gals every week. I like this much better than the “top 2 survive” approach of last season, although it will probably mean a lot more Sanjaya types hanging on for way too long.
That’s quite enough intro, since we’ve got 12 songstresses to make fun of. Let’s get right to it.
Turn it. I never thought of “Alright Now” as a song that should never be covered, but the opening riff corrected that oversight for me. Poor Paige did not sound good. The judges are trying extra hard to convince America they weren’t stupid for putting her on stage, but she sounded and looked unbearable.
Odds of leaving: 3 to 1
Most of these singers, when they start out singing quietly, they’re lucky to find a note the rest of the performance. I give you Exhibit A(shley). She sang “Happy,” which rhymed with how it sounded. But, as Heather put it so correctly, she’s pretty.
Odds of leaving: Why do I get the feeling everyone wants to be in the bottom 2?
It’s a rare Heart song that doesn’t wind up as a complete “aw, honey, no” moment on Idol, and Janell’s performance of “What about Love” was no exception. The only reason I would want to listen to a performance like that is if the singer was a member of my family who didn’t realize I was listening and videotaping and preparing to upload its hideousness onto YouTube straightaway.
Odds of leaving: Goodness me, I don’t know what it takes to get eliminated this week.
Oh, wow. Finally a voice that sounds pleasant. Lilly picked a song I don’t know, and it was the kind of song where even if she was flat or sharp it would sound intentional. Every other performance seemed like the vocals were stumbling their way to the soundboard. By the way, Kara’s hair looks like a horse, even more than most ponytails do.
Odds of leaving: no.
Katelyn and her mall hair brought a nice little raspy soul to “Oh, Darling,” but I was a bit distracted by her Classic Peg/JT shoulder bounce. I agree with Kara’s roundabout way of saying the girl’s makeover makes her look like a hooker. She was good. But this “girls are all strong” business is horse apples.
Odds of leaving: 11 to 1
Haeley went bobbing for glitter before taking on the Beatles, and as much as I hate to say that her version of “I Wanna Hold Your Hand” had promise, it did. It was also incredibly sloppy and annoying. It’s almost as though at some points she doesn’t even care what comes out her mouth. Still, she’s not boring.
Odds of leaving: 9 to 1
I didn’t think anyone could distract me more with their hair and makeup than Adam Lambert, but Lacey was like an Andy Warhol painting that came to life . . . with a vendetta against Stevie Nicks. “Landslide” wasn’t as bad as the judges made it out to be. I think she was trying to be quirky with her intonation. But, yeah, it was kind of like she decided the Smashing Pumpkins didn’t make that song sound sad enough.
Odds of leaving: 5 to 1
I totally didn’t realize Julia Roberts and Janet Jackson had a kid! Congrats. The song, though, was equal parts plodding and painful. Her version of “Fallin'” had all of Ms. Keys’ pitch problems and about a tenth of her power. The judges are trying to convince us these singers are good. I’m willing to give them time, but I don’t see anyone yet who seems comfortable on a national stage just yet.
Odds of leaving: probably not.
First things first: Didi, I’m gonna need my laundry room rug back. The song choice, “The Way I Am,” was much better than the wardrobe choice, because it’s not a song anyone knows for its power vocals. This is a fine week to be this boring.
Odds of leaving: nuh uh.
I hope this girl goes home this week, because I’m going to have to check the spelling three or four times every week. But still, she can wield a blowtorch, so, you know. “Wicked Game,” is a song with a wide range, which suits a guy with a mean falsetto, but not so much a woman with a weak lower register. Still, she ended good. She’s a bit odd, and I like that in the same way John Kreese liked Mr. Miyagi’s nerve. I also think that if she loses, she may hurt someone or their bunny.
Odds of going all Fatal Attraction: 6 to 1
I like her voice and her guitar and her harmonica head gear, and I love her command of the stage. But man, that was one polished, well performed piece of yawn. I’m not concerned at all with her chances, and I think she’ll get a lot better, but I’ll never think about that performance of “Hand in My Pocket” ever again.
Odds of getting burned much later in the competition: 2 to 1 (but not tonight)
Aw, shucks. I feel like David Archuleta just took the stage in drag. I don’t mean that to be as weird or insulting as I’m sure that reads. She’s a cutie. I don’t condone Michael Bublé performances. I do get the feeling that the audio setup of this stage is not right. A lot of singers were a little too close to inaudible, and the judges mentioned Katie seemed like she couldn’t hear herself.
Odds of Katie having problems hearing her farewell performance on Thursday: 10 to 1
My picks to get sent packing: Paige and Janell.