When Ryan said the Top 11 were about to get the best of both worlds, I thought it would be hilarious if they all had to pick Miley Cyrus songs. But no, they have to pick #1’s on the Billboard Hot 100 charts throughout history. And yes, Miley F. Cyrus is the first mentor of the season. I won’t say I’m in heaven. But I don’t always share things like that. So let’s move on.
Lee’s singing “The Letter,” and he’s performing like he’s trapped in the dirtiest phone booth in the history of enclosures. Don’t be afraid to touch the walls, pick up the phone, maybe even step outside a bit, yeah? His singing was alright, not great. I think he played with the song a bit too much to where it was all riffs and no rhythm. The judges loved it (except Simon) and I think a lot of people like his Joe Cocker sound and Tom Jones outfit. I think he’ll get there eventually.
Odds of going home: 15 to 1
Ms. Miles is going where Phil Collins and Mariah Carey dare to tread. She might have worn a castoff from Whitney Houston’s wardrobe from 1988, but she sounded like . . . Whitney in 2010. Girlfriend just had nothing. That was hard to watch. Tim Urban could go out there and hum a Gregorian monk version of George Michael’s “Faith,” and still not go home.
Odds of going home: Infinity
The least crazy person in America is singing “A Crazy Little Thing Called Love” in true church musical fashion. That’s the thing with this dude, he just can’t make the jump from boy choir to boy band. It’s like Michael Bublé without even that mild sense of understated flair. He’s Michael Blasé. But as kill-me-now boring as it was, it was still a gazillion times better than Paige.
Odds of going home: Can we send America home for leaving so many lousy people here while infinitely better contestants got sent packing?
Oh, poor Aaron. He’s saying he has laryngitis, but we all know it was only a matter of time before his voice changed. I just didn’t expect it to happen this year. Maybe it will add a Steven Tyler-esque crackle to his rendition of “Don’t Wanna Miss a Thing.” Maybe? Yeah, actually. This was the perfect song for this kid, and if he could have staved off puberty for another week, it could have been his defining performance. As it was, it was good enough to get him on tour.
Odds of going home: Not now.
Finally, Crystal sang a Joplin song. Obviously it rocked. She is a bit understated, and Ellen (as usual) nailed the criticism. Crystal does seem the slightest bit guarded. She seems afraid to be too good. For the first time, I’m genuinely excited to see what comes next from Crystal rather than just being content to know it will be typically good.
Odds of going home: Seriously?
Big Mike does not have a problem connecting. He really didn’t have to perform after his little Miley interview segment, but I’m glad he did. One thing I love about Michael is that he doesn’t take a single note off. He understands he’s performing, and I don’t know that he stops performing . . . ever. He can also sing real good.
Odds of going home: If home is the top 5, 3:1.
Andy “Heard it through the Grapevine” that he had a free week, so he phoned in a Marvin Gaye cover. I don’t see how Andrew can remain in this thing very long, because he doesn’t seem interested in letting us know he can sing. Maybe he can, I don’t know. But that was a yawner. I also think the dude might be stone-cold drunk.
Odds of going home: Soon.
Fergie. Hmm. Seriously, I got no idea how this song ever reached #1 on any nonsarcastic list. I just can’t listen to that. It wasn’t good. It did feel like Karaoke as an institution went back to high school.
Odds of going home: How long is this freaking show?
Unless Casey goes up and sings the national anthem Roseanne Barr style, I don’t know what he could do to leave the show. Huey Lewis? Okay. I’ll skitch along behind that jeep. Actually, that’s pretty much what Casey is doing: biding his time and hanging on for the ride. Judging by the quality of this week’s performances, he can get by doing that for another four or five weeks. But sooner or later he needs to do something different and lose the guitar.
Odds of going homo: Wait, what?
People, come on! Do not sing songs with names like “You’re No Good”! Challenge me! The obvious name jokes aside, the song is hopelessly dated. Who in this millennium would want to listen to something like that if they hadn’t made an unwritten/unspoken commitment to write some kind of review about it? Gag.
Odds of going home: Paige to 1
Siobhan meets Stevie and dresses like Sheena Easton. I dig. If Adam Lambert was a shy, awkward girl with less makeup, we’d have Siobhan. As usual, she broke glass near the end. But it might have been her worst performance, just because it was entirely too lighthearted and meaningless. Still, why not? She’s Siobhan.
Odds of going home: Granola
The bottom three ought to be Paige, Paige, Paige, Tim, and Paige. And Andrew. But Paige must go.