Crystal Bowersox is back on her feet again. Kara has a major case of fountain hair. Ellen is still hilarious. And I’m a little disappointed I have to wait another day to see some bad singers sent home. Here we go . . .
Apparently there was a major soul memo sent around the AI office, because Crystal picks up where most of the guys left off. Her CCR homage, “As Long as I Can See the Light,” was pretty smooth, nothing mind-blowing. But I liked listening to it. Is that enough? It works for me. Randy is channeling Paula with nonsensical philosophizing about truth and reality and unicorns, I think.
Odds of Going Home: 200 to 1
If your smile is surgically affixed to your face (and Haeley’s is) you want to sing more Miley Cyrus than Kurt Cobain. That said . . . whoa. That was awful. She sang “The Climb” as though she were actually in the middle of scaling a mountain. The Big Rock Candy Mountain, maybe, but still it was painful. I just think you’re supposed to hit notes and she didn’t. And she’s still smiling, even after Simon told her the deep dark nasty truth.
Odds of Going Home: 3 Heel Clicks and She’s Gone
Oh, Lacey, you and your colors. It’s like Tammy Faye Baker and Las Vegas had a baby girl. She took Kara’s advice as literally as she possibly could, and she sang her cute little alt-pop ditty. Randy and Kara are infuriating me with their “do something with the song” garbage. She sang a nice song and didn’t suck. That’s all she really needs to do at this point. She doesn’t want to be that poor guy whose best performance is probably going to be his “Straight Up” cover he did in Hollywood week.
Odds of Going Home: 9 to 1
I’m a little concerned that Katie and the others are falling into the classic trap of confusing her desire to please the judges with the need to wow America. The judges give you advice to help you be impressive, but basing your entire performance on their 30 seconds of criticism will suck the life out of your songs. Katie’s definitely ensnared in that. The other trap: taking a cool, smooth song like “Put Your Records On,” and thinking you can snooze your way through it. Corinne Bailey Rae flirts and teases her way through that song. Katie just sort of yawned. And NOOOOO! They’re telling her to sing a song by someone her age just so they can tell her she’s being a copycat next week. DON’T DO IT!!!!
Odds of Going Home: 7 to 1
Oh, good, another soul song. “Lean on Me.” And Didi changed the melody a bit, just like we all do in the shower. Her voice sounded pretty good, but her dancing-ish kind of thing felt like she was being jostled around by invisible cattle. Why cattle? I’m just trying to distract from the vicious critique from Kara. She probably said “that was not good” four times in 15 seconds, which is pretty rough. It was nowhere near as bad as what the judges are saying, but they seem to think this contest is half over. Guess what, judges 4: no one emerges as an artist in week 2.
Odds of Going Home: 5 to 1
Girl’s doing Creed, which frees her from any copycat, playing-it-safe accusations. It also precludes me from calling it awesome. Without a commercialized Eddie Vedder impression, “With Arms Wide Open” just doesn’t sound like a good song. The person having the worst night: Randy. He keeps saying “do something with it,” when he means, “Sing better.” Michelle, take my advice: Sing better. Funniest moment: Michelle’s fans don’t even buy Kara’s praise of the song.
Odds of Going Home: No. As bad as that was, people will remember how she looked more than how she sounded.
Sam Cooke might be the most generous musician of all time. His songs are more prone to reinvention than Madonna. You can’t go wrong with Sam, because it always sounds new. Lilly did a fantastic job, especially at the outset. The beginning was so good I didn’t even mind when the ending unceremoniously unraveled. But yeah, Lilly did her thing. She’s letting people know who she is, and that confidence will take her a long way.
Odds of Going Home: Given the certainty of her continuation on the show, I want to take this opportunity to point out how strange it is that there’s such a thing as even odds. Odds are usually odd, except when they’re even. But I digress . . .
The Scientist? By Coldplay? Okay, Mall Chick, let’s hear it. Hmm. There’s really no excuse for missing your opening note when you’re sitting at the piano, except for that little fact that millions of people are watching. The big mistake Katelyn made with this was not stripping away the alternative feel. If she changed it up into a bit more of a pop song, it would have been outstanding. As it was, it was plodding and mournful, but not enough to be her funeral march. Kara is impressing me with how annoying she is.
Odds of Going Home: She’s just too pretty not to be buried in votes.
I was thoroughly disappointed in Paige last week, so if she underwhelms this week I’m sticking the fraud label on her. She picked Kelly Clarkson, which is a good move; she has good songs that aren’t death-defying. But man, it wasn’t great. I did see that her voice is strong, but her energy lacks a bit. And when she goes high? Yikes. I won’t say she’s going home this time, but I don’t see how she can win big on this show.
Odds of Going Home: Thread
Siobhan having a mohawk is the least surprising piece of news I’ve heard since Mark McGwire admitted to using steroids. Her choice of Aretha’s “Think” was more of a stunner. It wasn’t perfect. Aretha has hats that could have done a better job. But still, it was a showcase. I don’t ever want to hear that song again, but I still think she deserves enough votes to sail through. The review is spraying awkward all over the stage, and it’s delicious.
Odds of Going Home: America, please don’t let that happen. Please. Siobhan promises great television for months. Don’t let me down.
Who’s Going Home: I’m disagreeing with my own odds, Haeley Vaughn and Lacey Brown are going home.