Idol Eyes: Double Elimination & the King

Talent has left the building.

So I didn’t review last week except for a few tweets, and the judges matched my laziness by refusing to allow any of the contestants to leave. Mike got saved, two people are going home this week, and we no longer have to watch the judges pretend to deliberate whether they’ll stave off execution. With Adam Lambert as Elvis’s stand-in, this week should be fun. Here we go, here we go:

Crystal Bowersox
Crystal’s singing Big Mike’s song, “Saved,” and she did your basic gospel rock track. I didn’t love it. I can’t remember how the song went, and I just heard it thirty seconds ago. I mean, it rocked. It rolled. It kinda bored me to death. Oh, and look: Kara’s wearing a camouflage parachute. Fun!
Odds of Going Home: 12 to 1

Andrew Garcia
Andrew is clearly an Elvis guy. I hope he does “Suspicious Minds,” but I’m not sure it will matter. I don’t know that he can really hope to avoid the bottom 2 this week. He’s doing “Hound Dog,” which isn’t surprising, since his best songs are completely devoid of lyrical complexity. I like this guy. I like his voice. I like the way he almost took out the judges with his mic stand. But that fell flat. Will anyone ever look back on this performance with fondness? Kara’s criticizing Andrew for not being Elvis . . . yeah, guess what, chica? Nobody’s Elvis but Elvis, and he’s . . . well.
Odds of Going Home: 2 to 1

Tim Urban
Oh crap. Is Lambert gonna really teach this kid who to do something slightly less snoreworthy? Oh, okay, no.  He started out all staccato and robotic in his rendition of “I Can’t Help (Falling in Love {with You})”. He had about 4 seconds of great performance, and hundreds of other second-long doses of crap. And can I just say how fed up I am with the use of singer/songwriter as an adjective? May I? Thanks. I am fed up all the way to 200. For perspective, I’m fed up with the Cubs losing at about a 250. Thousand.
Odds of Going Home: Apparently never, no matter what

Lee DeWyze
Hey, Adam convinced Lee to stop doing his Droopy impression (killer, by the way) during every performance, and the advice really paid off. He finally looked comfortable on stage, albeit in a singing-like-this-hurts-like-a-thousand-blisters kind of way. “A Little Less Conversation,” brought a little bit more facial expression. I dig this cat.
Odds of Going Home: 10 to 1

Aaron Kelly
Aaron looked like he was afraid Lambert would eat him during the mentor segment, and that fear seemed to carry over into tonight. He even forgot to wear “Blue Suede Shoes.” Did you see SNL when Justin Beiber was singing provocative lyrics to Tina Fey, lyrics he clearly recited by memory cuz the boy’s got no idea what the rock’s going on? Yeah, that just happened again.
Odds of Going Home: 5 to 1

Siobhan Magnus
She did “Suspicious Minds,” and she also got great advice from Lambert, which surprisingly didn’t consist of “scream more.” To me, it was her first really complete performance. She showed there was, in fact, a segment of her vocal range between deep, brooding treacle and glass-breaking shrieks. Kara’s an idiot. Simon turned deaf. The judges really aren’t paying attention. I mean, she’s not an amazingly polished performer, but Siobhan can perform like crazy, and not just literally.
Odds of Going Home: 9 to 1

Michael Lynche
Nobody can top Cartman’s performance, but Mike’s “Ghetto” was so smooth and gripping. I’ll say this: his performance was the only one all night that made me care in the slightest about what the song meant. Michael being in the bottom 3 last week was high idiocy. His place as the potential loser was ridiculii. There aren’t three performers better than he is. Wake up, America.
Odds of Going Home: Stupid to Dumb.

Katie Stevens
Be believable? Huh, who would think that advice would work? Katie’s “Baby, What Do You Want Me to Do?” should have been interrupted by a little reminder from Lambert, because she obviously forgot the gist. She kind of sang like she was mildly irritated, not angry. She practically yawned the first 30 seconds of the song. Not good.
Odds of Going Home: 5 to 1

Casey James
“Lawdy Miss Clawdy,” a song with which I was completely unfamiliar, sounded like a song I’d actually want to hear again. Novel concept. The song climaxed early and trailed off fast, but it was still miles ahead of most of these people. I think sometimes when they so obviously rush the show, the contestants sense what’s going on and rush their performances a bit. It was like Casey was afraid he was going to force the end of Glee off America’s DVRs. It will be less of a problem in the coming weeks, but it doesn’t strike me as particularly fair. Ironically, Glee started a bit early, and I’ve got to finish this stupid recording to see the first part of it. Ugh.
Odds of Going Home: 13 to 1

Here’s who I think is on their way out: Katie and Andrew. It’s hard to care at this point with all the dreadful that shows no sign of leaving.

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