|Ladies and gentlemen, this is not me.|
I know what you’re thinking: Adam stopped sending trivia because he doesn’t like me. It’s personal. He doesn’t care. He’s got more important things to worry about. He’s also a slacker, an ingrate, a sociopath, a bad dancer, a heretic, an Elton John impersonator, one of the people who got confused by the butterfly ballot, the one who let the dogs out, stinky, selfish, and also not much good.
Well I’m writing today to tell you beyond a shadow of a doubt that several of those things are debatable. But the real reason trivia has come to be more of a semiannual affair instead of a daily one is that you people know everything. In the infotainment age, it became almost impossible for me to come up with any questions you didn’t know. So, like Willy Wonka withdrawing into his subterranean Oompa-Loompan sweatshop to perfect his ideas, I have secluded myself in the bowels of the trivia monster to . . . wait, that’s gross. I have sequestered myself in the nether regions of knowledge to create the . . . okay, also gross. I’m in my basement trying to do better, okay? Here’s the question.
The only Sesame Street muppet with five fingers is Cookie Monster. Nobody knew it. Wait, Adam, doesn’t that make everything you said above just a horrendous lie? Also, I knew it! Okay, let’s not analyze the situation to death. Let’s just let trivia be trivia, you dig? And sure, you knew it, but I don’t want to make the others feel bad. It will spoil the trivia renaissance.