American J-Lo

I’m more than a little depressed and disappointed that the only thing that can animate this blog from dormancy is American Idol. Seriously, at the end of last season I didn’t even like this show and I didn’t really like myself for ever having watched it. Any chance of retaining me as a viewer was obliterated when Fox announced Steven Tyler and J-Lo would be replacing Simon and the other non-Randy judges.

That’s it. The show’s over. I figured it would get canceled out of general hilarious outrage. Then I could finally go back to hitting you with the occasional anecdote about my kids or thoughts on baked goods and whatever.

Then came the commercials. Randy Jackson. Steven Tyler. And J-Lo. I realized that a) they really are going through with this and b) I like looking at J-Lo. I don’t mean that in a Steven-Tyler-likes-looking-at-slender-young-girls kind of way, I just don’t object to the sight of Jennifer Lopez, okay? Shut up.

Suddenly it dawned on me that my American Idol viewing had done a Brett Favre. I mean come back from retirement. My American Idol viewing doesn’t take pictures of its junk. It doesn’t limp off the field after interceptions. It doesn’t . . . you know what, this metaphor isn’t helping. I realized I wouldn’t be able to stop watching AI just yet, okay? Shut up.

So there it is. Back on my TV. There are people who look like Oompa Loompas and who want to be Miley Cyrus and who sound like jake breaks. I don’t care. There’s still the occasional emotionally manipulative story and three or four people who can sing. And J-Lo. I’m watching it.

Shut up.

12 Replies to “American J-Lo”

  1. I'm amused by this. I'm pretty sure I fall in the same category as you, minus the Jennifer Lopez part of it.

    But I think I missed the first episode. Which may be a sign.

  2. I love honesty.

    I love looking at JLo too. Not in a Rachel Maddow kind of way, but just in a "she's a purty, purty girl" kind of way. Plus there's always the chance that she'll show up wearing a feather headdress or constellation jumpsuit or a boa made out of a boa.

    But Steven Tyler almost cancels it out for me. His Fine Corinthian Face just creeps me out and has me running for the sunscreen. And dude. Haircuts are your friend. You look ridiculous. There's a reason Bon Jovi doesn't wear his hair long.

  3. I have missed all the hubbub and commercials about this thorn in my side show since canceling cable but I still look forward to your recaps….


  4. I am so glad you are watching, cause I LOVE your recaps…Don't retire, please! I am loving the new judges, especially Steven Tyler. I admit I was skeptical at first because I really didn't follow him much because his mouth scared me…But, he is the show! He and JLo compliment one another so much, it is incredible. And I like Randy better with those 2 by his side. It's a great mix and I am really enjoying it. So, I can't wait to read your re-caps….Keep us entertained!

  5. I'm with Mimi. I haven't seen the show yet, but Tyler is a legend and a musical genius. So Adam, if by "creep factor" you mean "Wow, a living legend is on my TV, and he's talking about music and that's creepy awesome," (sort of like saying that it's "wicked awesome" but not at all creepy in a pedophile sort of way) then I totally agree with you that Tyler brings on the creep factor big time. I'm seriously "creeped out" by how awesome that is.

    So YOU shut-up!

  6. Thanks, Robbie and Mimi. And everyone. And Robbie, by "creep factor" I actually mean "a living legend seems to be hitting on girls who are younger than his new nose," but other than that I do really enjoy his input so far. It's just his face is hard to look at. His face is the anti J-Lo. Steven Tyler is to face-looking what J-Lo is to jeans-fitting. It's just not easy.

  7. This commentary is so late, but whateva. I'm just glad there is someone out there admitting to the fact that they're willing to give them a shot. I was so done with last season. Ellen should have never been on that show.

    But, I LOVE what Steven Tyler brings to the table. He's a bonafide musician. Creepy and all, I like him. I don't mind J-Ho. Whateva. She may not be talented, but she knows how to sell herself. That's fosho. And, yes, that was J. H. O. or J-Ho.

    I'm all in. AND I'll be looking for your recaps!

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