10 Things Chicago Athletes Aren’t Allowed To Do

As a favor to new Cubs Carlos Pena, Matt Garza, Fernando Perez, and returning fan favorites Kerry Wood and Reed Johnson, I thought you’d like to know the rules. They aren’t all that complicated, nor do they make a lot of sense, but they are undeniable and unforgiving. These 10 things, you simply cannot do and expect to be accepted by the Greatest Fans in the World ™.

10. Show too much emotion.
9. Show too little emotion.
8. Get injured.
7. Play while injured and make your injury worse.
6. Play while injured and try to avoid making your injury worse.
5. Miss time due to injury.
4. Put off surgery too long.
3. Accept a no-trade clause much less invoke it.
2. Have dinner.
1. Under any circumstances point out that any of this is the slightest bit silly or that the Greatest Fans in the World ™ include temperamental, irrational, racist, ignorant, or otherwise mercurial members among their ranks.

Just don’t do any of that and also play awesome, and this town will love you to pieces!

6 Replies to “10 Things Chicago Athletes Aren’t Allowed To Do”

  1. Do you really think Chicago is any different from any other city? Hell, are Cubs or Bears fans any different than fans of sports at any level, including and probably especially youth sports? I admit that this is irritating, but it is this way at all levels in all cities.

  2. Seriously, I don't even think it's like that among White Sox fans. So there's that.

    I don't think every fan base is the same. Are most fan bases in most sports irrational in some way? Yeah. Caring about how other people perform at sports is not a rational endeavor. But I'm choosing to compare the fans in Chicago (namely Cubs fans, provoked by the recent behavior of Bears fans) to a basic standard of common sense and decency rather than to a standard of the average fan mentality.

    So while you're probably right that fans everywhere do this, it doesn't justify the behavior. If fans here are going to be just as bad as anywhere else, I'd definitely prefer to see a moratorium on all "Greatest Fans in the World" speak.

  3. Adam,

    I think our view is too focused on Chicago because it's where we live. I'm willing to bet that the same behaviors that are being complained about regarding Cub fans happen in Seattle or New York or Philly. It's because we're here and we see it at the park or read about it in the media that we know about it. We don't really pay that much attention to the fans from other cities. But at any rate, please let me know when a soccer, I mean futbol, riot breaks out at Wrigley Field.

  4. I agree and disagree. I think my view is focused on Chicago because it's where I live (ish), and I don't care if it's like that other places. If all the fans of all the other teams in the world jump off a bridge, I'd still think it was ridiculous if Cubs fans did it too, you know? Yeah, some fans are worse than Cubs fans. But I don't care about them.

  5. Thanks, Julie! It almost makes me glad I'm not that great at sports. I get
    hungry after games.

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