Overheard: On the 8th day, God created . . .

Addison: I want to know about God. Tell me about Him.

Me: Okay . . .  He created the world.
Addison: Really? You mean, He created everything? He created pants?
Me: Well, He created people who could make pants. But when He created people, they didn’t wear any clothes.
Addison: They were naked?
Me: Yeah. They weren’t embarrassed to be naked when God created them.
Addison: They were once all the other people could see their privates.
Me: No, they weren’t embarrassed until they sinned.
Addison: Did they have privates?
Me: Yes . . . but I guess they weren’t that private at the time. But after they sinned, they were ashamed.
Addison: I know what they wore: animal skins.
Me: Well, God gave them animal skins, but at first they just wore leaves.
Addison: They wore leaves on their privates?
Me: Do you want to watch a show on TV?

Overheard, Go Colin Go

I wouldn’t say Colin is getting to the point where he’s actually quotable per se, but he is talking and expressing himself at a rapidly progressing rate that has steamrolled me with joy. Here are a few of my favorite recent pearls of wisdom to fall from his mouth:

  • After walking out on a Baby Einstein video, Colin asked for me to hold him. So I asked him, “Colin, do you want to watch this or not?”

    Colin: “Not.”

  • When he says, “Puppets,” it’s just really cute. Not really a story there.
  • A couple days ago, he spontaneously burst into song and demanded I sing along with him. The song he so desperately and exuberantly wanted to sing? “Go Cubs Go.” Ah . . . yes. I think we’ll keep this one.

Overheard, Ad Placement

I could tell you Addison doesn’t watch much TV. I’m good at lying like that. But the fact of the matter is, Addison absorbs whatever he watches, and he’s especially quick to connect to anything he sees on a commercial. Some recent quotes prove his allegiance to all things advertised:

“Hey, Dad, do you want to win $5,000? Then be sure to watch the season finale of Star Wars: The Clone Wars.”
“No, Dad, I want to use my Reach toothbrush. It’s better than normal toothbrushes. Here, I want you to see. See that? (setting it on the sink and pointing to the head) It’s above. It’s got an angled neck.”
“Hey, Mom? Are you gonna get some of that so your eyelashes will be long and luscious?”
“Dad, we have to watch Special Agent Oso. It’s all part of the plan . . . more or less.”
I am so ready for spring to invite this boy outside again. 

Overheard, Maybe it was the music?

We’re driving home from my parents’ house tonight, and “Rocky Mountain High” is playing in all its Jon Denver-ness (thanks to an iPod genius mix based on Rob Thomas & Willie Nelson’s version of “Mamas, Don’t Let Your Babies Grow up to Be Cowboys”). All of a sudden, Addison quietly but confidently blurts out this little gem:

“I’m always gonna be with God.”
Yes, Addison. Yes you are. But where in the world did that come from?

Overheard, the Red Rule

Addison wasn’t satisfied with the Golden Rule, so he asked what the Red Rule was. Upon learning that there was no such thing, he decided to make one up. I unveil it to the world today with the hopes that all will follow its beautiful wisdom:

“The Red Rule: Peace and love; obey God and forgive your friends.”

Overheard . . . Jumbo

The hardest thing about parenting just may be holding in the laughter when your kid says something that you find to be simultaneously reprehensible and hilarious. Addison has become an expert at testing me in this area. Up until now, though, one genre of humor has operated under a zero-tolerance policy: name calling. Making fun of other people’s physical, social, and all other traits is not funny in this household, at least not until the kids go to bed. When Addison calls people names that aren’t theirs, or he uses derogatory descriptors to poke fun at them, I don’t laugh. I don’t want to laugh. I correct him as swiftly as I know how.

Yesterday, that all changed. Addison and Heather came home from a session at our church’s indoor crazy-fun kiddy playground, and I received a report that proved too funny for even my noblest objections to suppress the resulting laughter. 
Addison was trying to make his way through some apparatus; a slide, a walkway, a cargo net . . . whatever. He found his way blocked by a boy Heather estimated to be somewhere in the 10-12 age group; not fat, but definitely tall. Keep in mind, Addison is five. He’s not that much bigger than I was at five (and I really was tiny), but he’s a heck of a lot bolder. When I was Addison’s age, I would have taken one glimpse at the towering figure before me and immediately head in the opposite direction, never to return again. Addison decided to face the blockade head on and said:
“Out of the way, Jumbo.”
When I heard this, I knew I shouldn’t laugh. But there I was, busting. Buckled over. Chortling. I couldn’t look Addison in the face, because I knew the laughter would explode from me in waves. What would I be teaching my son if I laughed at this?
Well, if this was a test of fortitude, I failed. My son is Sawyer, and I can’t help laughing. I guess I taught him that sometimes, name-calling is funny. I just hope the lesson sank in that it’s best not to put humor to the test when the object of your verbal jabs has the power to squash you.

Overheard . . . Sticky

Addison: I have food stuck to my teeth.

Adam: Oh, I hate that. But I like to eat some food even though I know it will stick to my teeth. Like . . .

Addison: Pomegranate?

Adam: I was going to say “caramel.”

Overheard . . . Ordinary

“This is too ordinary. I’m outta here.”

– Addison, in a huff, after an aggravating setback during a game of Snap.

Also, Beav, the Word Nerd has responded to your question. I hope the answer will suffice.

Overheard . . . Dear Santa

Today, Addison spontaneously launched into a letter to Santa. It was hilarious because he was just scribbling in lines as he dictated to himself. He started it out with a quote from “A Charlie Brown Christmas,” which you can find about 15 seconds from the end of the clip below.

This was the gist: “Dear Santa, how have you been? Please bring my daddy a new bicycle. And bring my mommy some new socks. Bring Colin some pajamas. And please bring me some firetruck clothes.” Then he redid the thing on a real piece of paper (although still not with real words) and wanted to mail it to Santa. I think it’s on its way to the North Pole right now. Fun. 🙂