whatever you say, coach
Tua Tagovailoa offered up a case study on negative beliefs:
“If you woke up every morning and I told you you suck at what you did, that you don’t belong doing what you do, that you shouldn’t be here, that this guy should be here, that you haven’t earned this right.”
The Miami quarterback made these comments in a recent interview on The Dan Le Betard Show when asked about his experience working under former Dolphins head coach Brian Flores. Things have been different under his current head coach, Mike McDaniel.
“And then you have somebody else come in and tell you, ‘Dude, you are the best fit for this. You’re accurate, you’re the best.’ How would it make you feel listening to one or the other?
“I don’t care who you are, you can be the president of the United States, [if] you have a terrible person that’s telling you things that you don’t wanna hear or that you probably shouldn’t be hearing, you’re gonna start to believe that about yourself.”
deconstructing more than faith
You’ve been there, right? You’re not an NFL quarterback or the President of the United States, but you’ve had someone in a position of authority implant a negative belief about yourself inside your psyche. I mean, Under Deconstruction is all about diagnosing false beliefs and surgically removing them from our minds. But sometimes I think deconstructing from certain religious or theological beliefs often overlooks specific things we might be taught about ourselves outside of church or the Bible.
It can happen in families, in relationships, at work, and, yes, even in sports. But there is a way to deconstruct negative beliefs without the help of a Bible scholar or your YouTuber of choice.
maybe you’re not your own worst critic
I want you to try something the next time you have a negative thought about yourself, particularly one that begins with those self-critical classics “I am such a,” “I’m so,” or “I always/never.” You know, the self-shaming statements we use to label ourselves with a negative trait or a perpetual weakness or failure. Be mindful of your self talk, and the next time that kind of negative thought snags your internal attention, stop and ask yourself, “Where did that come from?”
In our effort to be gracious with ourselves, we run the risk of subtly blaming ourselves for these negative thoughts. (Hidden judgment alert: “I’m way too critical of myself.”) So I’m asking you to dig a little deeper than “I told myself that lie.” Maybe someone else did. Maybe that thought that you always make snap decisions wasn’t something you made up; maybe it was something a coach, a friend, or a partner told you.
If you can remember where it came from, great. If you can’t, no big deal! Either way, write down the lie or type it out or say it out loud and then confidently proclaim, “I disagree with that.” Be free of that criticism. Be the person you want to be, one agreement at a time.