The urge to deconstruct your faith doesn’t typically show up on your calendar like spring cleaning at the Tanner house. You don’t just do it as scheduled maintenance or out of a wellspring of overflowing joy and harmony. Let’s face it, we ponder deconstruction when we know something’s wrong.
So the question is, if a person gets to the point where they absolutely feel the need to deconstruct their faith, can they come out the other side of that process and still be a Christian? Can you deconstruct without departing the Church?
Deconstruction: on a break or broken up?
In relationship terms, deconstruction is like telling your faith, “We need to talk.” You know something’s not working. You know you’re going to take a close look at where you stand with your belief in God, your role in the church, your worldview, your moral compass, and your view of your eternal destiny. For some people, in some situations, that talk is going to be pretty conclusive. You might just know it’s over.
For others, it might be more like a difficult conversation that ultimately makes the relationship stronger. You might realize you’re not that into Calvinism or you have serious questions about the Trinity. It could be as simple as reconsidering the interpretation of an important passage of the Bible or as major as denying the inspiration of the Bible altogether. But people who have gone through deconstruction and come to those types of conclusions have retained their fundamental belief in who Jesus is and how they relate to God.
Deconstruction can lead to a break, a break-up, or a stronger, more authentic relationship with God. But no matter where it may lead, if you feel compelled to deconstruct, you feel that way for a reason you can’t justifiably ignore. If you know something is deeply wrong with your faith, neither that feeling nor the problem causing it will go away on its own.
How long does deconstruction take?
So, here’s the thing about deconstruction: for many Christians, the first step they take in the deconstruction process is their first time acknowledging the fallibility of their faith. That sounds preposterous, but it’s true. I want to be very intentional and clear about this. There is a difference between expressing doubt and genuinely acknowledging you might be wrong.
When we think about doubt, we’re framing the situation in these terms: “Do I believe in this?” We tend to evaluate that question as a measure of the sufficiency of our belief rather than the veracity of the information. Asking “Do I believe” is much different than asking “Am I wrong?” When we explore our doubt, we’re putting our faith under the microscope. When we ask, “Am I wrong,” we’re scrutinizing our brains and the information. If we believe insufficiently, we’re sinners. If we believe something that’s not true, we’re fools.
See the difference? There’s a mystique, a holy drama about being a doubting sinner. The remedy is as obvious as it is glamorous: believe more deeply and your doubt is cured, your faith is strengthened, and your sins? Forgiven! Believe in something that isn’t true, and you’re a fool. An idiot. You’re just wrong. There’s no glamor, no honor, no redemption. Admit you’re wrong, and what are you left with?
What you’re left with is deconstruction and the newfound understanding that you are perfectly capable of believing in something incorrect. When you go from a mindset of “This truth can’t be questioned” to one of “I could be wrong about anything,” you lose one of the most powerful tools in the Christian toolbox: supernatural certainty. So when you start to deconstruct you shed the sense and security that (unlike all the poor suckers in the world) you don’t have to worry about being wrong.
And once you realize your sense of faith is fallible, deconstruction is always either something you’re going through or a reconsideration lurking around the corner. Once you start deconstruction, you’re not likely to finish in any conclusive sense. You might never regain that same sense of unwavering certainty, but you will find clarity, harmony, and authenticity. And you also may just find yourself.
And you are totally worth it.